If ever a piece of facial topiary deserved its own origin story, it’s the stupendous moustache sported by Kenneth Branagh’s Poirot in Murder on the Orient Express.
Branagh returns as the Belgian supersleuth in Death on the Nile this week – and the film’s first world war-set opening sequence will apparently reveal how the ‘tache came to be.
My guess? Poirot turns out to be the half-brother of General Melchett from Blackadder.
Looking to give the little grey cells a rest this week? Cinema has you covered, from J-Lo’s latest romcom to a globe-trotting treasure hunt with Tom Holland (T-Ho? No, perhaps not…)
New releases
Death on the Nile
Agatha Christie’s dapper detective is off on his hols again in this new adaptation of the classic murder mystery, which swaps the snowbound surroundings of the Orient Express for the sweeping desert vistas of Egypt.
Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) is enjoying a luxury cruise on the S.S. Karnak when one of his fellow passengers meets a tragic end – can he identify the killer before they strike again?
Wonder Woman’s Gal Gadot plays a glamorous heiress, while the supporting cast includes Annette Bening, Russell Brand and French and Saunders, plus up-and-coming talents Letitia Wright (Black Panther) and Emma Mackey (Sex Education).
| Cert 12A, 127 mins | |
| Cineworld, City Screen, Everyman, Vue | |
| From Fri Feb 11 | |
| More details |
Marry Me
Jennifer Lopez stars in this romcom as pop superstar Kat Valdez, whose plans to get hitched to her partner (real-life pop star Maluma) live on stage are nixed when she finds out he’s been cheating on her, minutes before the show is due to start.
So she does what anyone would, and randomly chooses to wed an audience member she spies holding a ‘Marry me’ sign in the crowd – who, luckily for her, turns out not to be a crazed stalker, but a loveable schlub who’s only holding the sign by accident (played by Owen Wilson).
Can the megastar and the single dad make a go of their relationship in the full glare of the world’s media? Well, it wouldn’t be much of a romcom if they got a quickie divorce the next day, would it…
| Cert 12A, 112 mins | |
| Cineworld, Everyman, Vue | |
| From Fri Feb 11 | |
| More details |
Uncharted
Fresh from saving cinema with the box office-devouring Spider-Man: No Way Home, Tom Holland faces his biggest challenge yet: making a watchable video game adaptation.
Based on the hit series of adventure games, this globe-trotting caper sees Nathan Drake (Holland) team up with treasure hunter Victor Sullivan (Mark Wahlberg, originally pegged to play Holland’s role before the film entered a lengthy stint in development hell) on a quest to find a 500-year-old fortune – but can they get there before Antonio Banderas’ villainous Santiago Moncada?
Expect puzzle-solving, plenty of mismatched-buddy bantering, and what looks like a battle between two helicopter-borne pirate ships…
| Cert 12A, 116 mins | |
| Cineworld, Vue | |
| From Fri Feb 11 | |
| More details |
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Here’s looking at you, kid: Valentine’s Day screenings
From romance to bromance, there’s a selection of tried-and-tested favourites back in cinemas over the next few days – plus a preview of an upcoming new spin on a famous lovelorn suitor.
First up, two of the most famous love stories of all time: Baz Luhrmann’s 1996 take on Romeo + Juliet shows at City Screen on Fri 11th, followed on Sun 13th by Casablanca, which also shows at Vue on Sun 13th, Mon 14th and Thurs 17th.
Expect to see a fair few nostalgic fortysomething couples in the audience as The Bodyguard celebrates its 30th anniversary, with screenings at Cineworld (Mon 14th) and Vue (Sat 12th, Sun 13th and Mon 14th).
A slightly more recent romantic favourite is on offer at Everyman in the form of The Notebook on Sunday 13th, while those who are not loved up can enjoy two cinematic celebrations of friendship with Everyman’s ‘Palentine’s Day’ screenings, Superbad (Fri 11th) and Magic Mike (Sat 12th).
And finally, all four York cinemas have preview screenings of Cyrano, a musical based on the classic love story starring Game of Thrones’ Peter Dinklage as the poetic outsider who woos the woman of his dreams by proxy – you can catch it on Mon 14th, ahead of its general release on Fri 25th.
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Other screenings
With the thoughtful, enigmatic drama Drive My Car having recently made history by receiving four Oscar nominations, including Best Picture (the most ever for a Japanese feature), there’s a chance to see what else director Ryusuke Hamaguchi can do in the form of Wheel of Fortune and Fantasy.
Sadly not the blend of Saturday night gameshow and Dungeons and Dragons that its title might suggest, it is instead a romantic anthology piece, combining three separate stories of women in love.
With this and Drive My Car, Hamaguchi managed the impressive feat of getting two films in the top ten of Sight and Sound’s end of year poll for 2021 – you can see what the fuss is about at City Screen this week, where each screening will be followed by a recorded Q&A with the director (Sat 12th and daily from Mon 14th to Thurs 17th).
Swiss drama La Mif is showing at City Screen on Tues 15th, and follows the makeshift family (the title translates as ‘The Fam’) formed by a group of teenage girls in a residential care home in Geneva – director Fred Bailiff is a former social worker, and cast real-life residents and staff in the film.
Also showing at City Screen on Tues 15th is documentary Hostile, which uses the stories of four Black and Asian migrants to look at the impact of the UK’s evolving ‘hostile environment’ policies – director Sonita Gale will be present for a Q&A session after the film.
Anime fans have a few more chances to catch highly-rated sci-fi tale Belle, which is showing at Everyman on Fri 11th and Sun 13th, and at City Screen on Weds 16th.
City Screen’s Studio Ghibli season continues this weekend with two fish-out-of-water tales – literally in the case of Ponyo (Sat 12th), whose titular heroine is a goldfish who dreams of becoming human, and metaphorically in Kiki’s Delivery Service (Sun 13th), which follows a young witch-in-training as she moves to the big city.
As with all films in the season, they’re showing at the reduced price of £8 (or £5 for members).
Kiki’s Delivery Service is also showing (dubbed) as this week’s Kids’ Club offering at City Screen (Sat 12th, tickets £3.00), while recent Disney hit Encanto is your budget choice at both Cineworld (£2.50) and Vue (£2.49) – it screens on Sat 12th and Sun 13th at both venues, with Cineworld showing regular and subtitled screenings on both days.