In the second part of our Unheard York series, Anne reveals what it’s really like to live in poverty in this city
York is a city that talks about poverty a lot. The council, faith groups, charities and others often look at the issue.
But what key voices are sidelined in those conversations? Perhaps, the voices that truly understand what it is to live in deep hardship. People who feel and know what that means for your life.
People like Anne.
“People talk about poverty in trendy ways, but it’s people in a room who have never had to visit a food bank or work out how to use their last £2,” she says.
“In a lot of charities, there’s a lot of talk about nothing, and meetings for meetings’ sake. They need to get more real. York is like one giant think tank.”
Anne has lived in York for 12 years. She has had significant mental health difficulties at various times since she was a child, and has made some decisions in years gone by that didn’t help her. But those experiences also mean she has seen the failings and shortcomings in the systems that are meant to help.
She now wants to use her insights to help enlighten people who lack that first-hand real-life perspective. We spoke to Anne last autumn and again this spring, for this article.
Anne moved to York around 2012, to move in with her partner. At the time, they were both using using drugs quite heavily, and were receiving some support, but life was complex and money scarce.
Anne recalls: “We used the food bank when we could, at Front Street in Acomb, but back then if you missed it you missed it, so we would resort to shoplifting, stealing food because food was not our priority then – drugs was the priority.
“Then when I lived on my own, I had £20 a fortnight for me and my dog, so it would be pasta with tomato sauce and I would maybe steal some cheese. I got into a lot of debt with payday lenders, and they would be knocking on the door.
“The debt was horrible. I’d be paying it back then borrowing again and people were getting annoyed and knocking on the door. The last time I shoplifted I was really really hungry and I went to M&S and took a sandwich.
“I got most of the way through town then got stopped by police. I did a voluntary interview the next day and they asked what I had to say and I just said ‘I was really really hungry and I’m sorry.’ I did not do it again after that. It’s always humiliating whether you get caught or not, but something that time just stopped me doing it again.
“I had nothing, and it got to the point where I had no electricity for a couple of days, and I would just sit and read my books.”
Mental health struggles
Long before that, Anne had endured more than anyone should have to. Her mental health deteriorated when she was 15, and she was diagnosed with depressive anxiety when she was 17. She had more than one instance of being sectioned, due to depressive psychosis.
Anne is now rebuilding her life, but she still struggles with her mental health, and she told us that the experience of having had nothing for so long continues to influence her.
She says: “Even now I’m clean, I am so paranoid about money. The DWP told me recently that they were repaying me some money they had owed me, and I know I’m just going to hang on to it, in case something goes wrong or they say they made a mistake. I’m paranoid.
“I’ve been homeless twice, once down in Kent and once here, and even though I’ve been living here in the flat since 2015, I still have this fear of completely relaxing and thinking it’s mine. The fear that I could lose it again is awful, it’s just horrible.”
Anne said her support worker at the Ordnance Lane hostel was tremendous. While Anne was there, her mum died and Anne struggled to cope, but her support worker helped her apply for council properties on her behalf and provided a lot of support.
“I got a flat after Ordnance Lane and I’m still there now. I desperately want to do things to the flat, and I don’t really know what stops me, but I think it’s that fear of something going wrong again.
“I have needed new carpets for the longest time – I used to be an addict and I’ve had dogs in the flat and the carpets need replacing but I’ve not felt able to do it.
“You read in the papers about people on benefits supposedly spending money and living the high life but it’s not true. In reality, I’m terrified of replacing a carpet in case they come back and change their minds about my money.”
A genuine fear
When we spoke last autumn, Anne was awaiting the results of a PIP (personal independence payment) review, support for the mental health difficulties she continues to live with. The delay was causing yet more uncertainty and anxiety.
She had received a text saying that the decision has been made but not saying what it is, and saying she would be told within two weeks. She said at the time: “You can’t send forms back even one day late without being punished, and yet they can take 11 months to sort something really important.
“I am waiting every day for the letterbox to rattle so I know the outcome. When your benefits are the roof over your head, it’s a genuine fear waiting for this letter.”
By the time we next spoke, Anne had received news that her PIP review had recognised that she was still entitled to support, and it had been backdated, to her relief, but that was not her first period of anxiety with the social security system.
“In early 2018, I suddenly got a letter saying I had missed an appointment so my PIP was stopped. They said they had texted me but I knew they hadn’t. I would have had no reason to miss an appointment, and I hadn’t received a text.
“The person I spoke to that day did help… he said that technically I should appeal, but that would take a year, so instead just to reapply and it would get reinstated. I did that, but they create such anxiety.
“Some of the questions they ask are designed to trap you… They ask if you have pets, and if you do that counts against you. They look at your emotional reactions and try to say how well you are. And now they are talking about seeing what you post on social media or checking people’s bank accounts – it creates this constant surveillance, Big Brother always watching.
What could be done differently?
“Some lines of communication for a start, even an online chat to check your progress on claims. Why is Universal Credit all online, but they can’t have online communication for PIP to update you on your application? There’s also so much distrust.
“The questions are asked in such a way that you expect an honest answer to be twisted against you. You’re living on your nerves all the time. There’s no support – could there not be a support worker, handling your case.”
Anne became involved with Lived Insights, after meeting Astrid, one of the team, through a programme run by York Multiple Complex Needs network, supported by a national organisation. She had a disappointing experience of not being paid. Organisers sought a way to pay her that wouldn’t jeopardise her benefits, but then as the programme progressed she says the goalposts were shifted. Eventually, she was allowed to be paid in the form of work-related goods.
We asked Anne about her hopes for York? She says she has chosen to work with Lived Insights because it is not an established service, and because it does things differently. She also says: “The food banks are amazing but they are like plasters. We need to look at wider ways for people to be helped without having to trudge to a food bank. Why can’t people in need go to social supermarkets. Speak to people more to find out what they would need.”
She has signed up as a potential volunteer with a local project that supports people with very little, and looks forward to Lived Insights’ own planned new community space becoming a reality… and a place for new ideas to begin.
- The person in this story chose to protect some of her privacy, so has used the name Anne as a pseudonym