In the fourth and final part of our Unheard York series, Tammy talks of her experience of mental ill health, addiction, getting clean – and the obstacles that got in her way
Tammy grew up in York and went to school here. After school, she planned to attend Askham Bryan College with a view to working in a stables, but around that time she met some people who were taking drugs, and ended up not doing the course.
The first issues Tammy wanted to raise were the difficulties around housing in York, and a long experience of bipolar disorder.
This was undiagnosed for more than a decade, increasing exposure to vulnerable situations and a lack of support.
Tammy said: “My first job was working at the Novotel hotel, but I had nowhere to live. If you’re classed as an able-bodied single person, the only choice was private rent, and York is so expensive.
“I lived at my sister’s for a bit while working at the Novotel, but even getting a small one-bedroom place back then (around 2000) was £600 a month, which was really expensive.
“I was a teenager but I found the world of drugs and very quickly ended up homeless. I went to Carecent and I was sleeping at the station, or in doorways. Drug use took me to a dealer’s place.
“He would put drugs out at the weekend for us to use. I had disappeared from my sister’s place for drug-taking, and just went to Carecent.
“I was living off handouts. I would go into town and steal clothes so I could have clean clothes. I got arrested and my sister said I could live back with her, and I got a one-year conditional discharge.
“I have had 30 or 40 jobs. I never understood how other people could stay in one house or one job for so long, when I was flitting from job to job. There was a pattern; I would get a job and start off doing great, then my mood would switch due to my bipolar and I would go off, and I would end up losing the job and the house, and then do it all again.
“I’ve had dozens of jobs. Each time, if I was paid weekly it would be gone in a day, and if I was paid monthly it would be gone in a few days.
“I could not understand why I could not do what other people were doing, people staying in the same job and doing well for 20 years. The way I felt was that I would rather die than stay in one place for long. I packed up and left so many houses, so many times. I’d take a bag of stuff and leave the rest.
“The longest job I kept was where my sister was manager. I kept it for a year and a half, and rented a room in Acomb and things were okay. I was muddling along and got a bank loan for a moped to get to and from work.
“Then I used drugs, and I’m not sure what happened next. I ended up having a fight with a girl. It was fisticuffs, but she went away and stabbed herself and said I had done it. I was arrested and lost my job, lost my house, and was in debt for the loan and back in the loop. I was in such a vicious cycle from 2000 to 2010.
“Then, in 2010, I was homeless again and had fractured my foot. I was living in a wheelchair in my mum’s house, and pregnant with my son, so then I really needed somewhere to live. Because I had moved so much, I had run up debts and they were compiling behind me, and I was on and off benefits.“
‘Hostel was terrifying’
“The council put me into the hostel in Acomb while I was four months pregnant, then they put me in a house in Tang Hall. The hostel was terrifying; there was a couple upstairs always shouting, and I was there on my own heavily pregnant.
“When I moved to the house, the council helped me access the community furniture store and my mum helped me get some things I needed through Argos.
“When my son was born, I was then on income support and it was manageable at the time. I did a house exchange for a flat in Walmgate and stayed there until my son was two, then moved in with my partner in Strensall.
“It was only then that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That’s what had been there all those years. When that happened, I was moved to ESA, then applied for PIP and they awarded me PIP.
“I think I felt lucky in the end with how quickly I got the PIP.
“For three months I was not sleeping, doing 16 miles a day on my bike, and running and looking after my son, hardly eating or sleeping. My partner said she thought I had bipolar disorder, so I went to the doctor.
“I had been going to the doctor back and forward for years on anti-drug work for years, but I would say I did not need to be any more, but because I was already on medication I was lucky enough to be diagnosed really quickly, and I got help with the PIP form.
“Me and my son had been living on £420 a month before that, but after I had a proper diagnosis I got help with my rent, and got ESA and PIP, and had enough to live on.
“I still struggled, and it was almost like more money meant more mania for me, and before I knew it I had more debt because I’d been buying things I needed for me and my son, like a fridge and a washer, a cooker and a bed.”
Loads of business ideas
“Part of my mania is I will get loads of business ideas. I tried starting a gardening business, even though I don’t drive – I had people driving me around with a lawnmower to do people’s gardens!
“Today, I get Universal Credit with the child element and limited capability to work element. I get support with my rent, and council tax. I was due a PIP review, but they have said they have a backlog so they have extended it for another year, but that’s a year of anxiety.
“I went through a debt relief order a few years ago, and that means I have no credit rating, which stops me in a lot of ways. I can’t sign up for wifi or even to things like eBay or amazon to buy stuff I need.
“I was in the hostel in Ordnance Lane with my son, aged four. I was there 10 months and moved to a maisonette back in Walmgate. We lived there for five years, but there was a woman there who was horrible. She didn’t like that I was gay.
“Then lockdown hit and I couldn’t leave and it was eight hours a day of her shouting obscenities. When I had that proper diagnosis of bipolar and told the council, they were finally able to move me, and I’ve been my current home now for three years. We did an emergency move in the middle of lockdown.
“I’ve been with Oaktrees drug recovery, and am in recovery now. I’m clean and sober.
“My current community psychiatric nurse is not good, and doesn’t listen, or check my notes to remember who I am. But the one before this one helped me get to a more manageable level. She helped me manage more in life, and got me into a routine.
“I felt heard and supported. She remembered what we had spoken about the previous week. Bootham was also really helpful for me, but Huntington House has been useless.
“I am also waiting for an ADHD diagnosis but getting a dual diagnosis of bipolar and ADHD is really hard. I have not got a lot of faith in services, and when it comes to services it all comes down to the person you get and how much they care.
“There is a lot of good stuff that makes me happy: my family, my friends, my partner and my son. I am pleased that everything is quite nice in my life at the moment, and I’ve got an appointment with Christians Against Poverty to work on my debt. I’ve a very supportive family. Relationships are the most important thing in life – belongings mean nothing.”
- The person in this story chose to protect some of their privacy, so have used the name Tammy as a pseudonym