Two of cinema’s biggest behemoths are back – and this time, they’re besties.
Yep, having worked through their issues in Godzilla vs. Kong, the dynamic duo are now fighting side by side in Godzilla x Kong, and you have to doff your cap to the use of that ‘x’ in the title – a power move cadged from the worlds of pop and fashion, where no self-respecting collab would be seen dead with a dowdy old plus symbol.
The ‘x’ symbolises more bang for your buck, see. Godzilla multiplied by Kong. Kong to the power of Godzilla. Never mind the carnage, feel the synergy.
To be fair, it does absolutely make sense that these two icons should be linked together by an ‘x’ – after all, they’re both famous for being a little cross.
That was an extraordinarily long preamble to a terrible joke, so let’s move swiftly on: also out this week, Po sallies forth once more in Kung Fu Panda 4, it’s Chastain x Hathaway in Mothers’ Instinct, and a certain nanny celebrates sixty years of being practically perfect in every way…
New releases
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire
With Japan’s Godzilla Minus One having proved something of a surprise box office hit at the end of last year, the fire-breathing beastie is back working with his paymasters on the other side of the Pacific for this titanic team-up, the sequel to 2021’s Godzilla vs. Kong.
This latest instalment in Hollywood’s MonsterVerse saga sees Godzilla join forces with his chest-beating frenemy following the discovery of a new, super-sized big bad who’s been hiding beneath the surface of our planet all this time (presumably waiting for his agent to secure him a better cut of the merch profits).
Heading up the puny human contingent are franchise regulars Rebecca Hall and Brian Tyree Henry, while Downton’s Dan Stevens joins the cast as a kaiju specialist.
Cert 12A, 115 mins | |
Cineworld, Everyman, Vue | |
From Fri Mar 29 | |
More details |
Kung Fu Panda 4
Jack Black springs back into action in this fourth big screen outing for his karate kicking, dumpling-devouring hero – but could this be the end of the road for this most unlikely of kung fu masters?
It certainly seems that way, as Po (Black) learns that it is time for him to move on from his role as Dragon Warrior and find and train his successor – a task he’s somewhat reluctant to undertake.
While he’s struggling to embrace his next chapter, he’s confronted with a sinister new foe in the form of the Chameleon (Viola Davis), a shape-shifting sorceress intent on stealing the kung fu powers of all the masters in China.
Cert PG, 94 mins | |
Cineworld, City Screen, Everyman, Vue | |
From Fri Mar 29 | |
More details |
Mothers’ Instinct
Anne Hathaway and Jessica Chastain star in this psychological thriller which mines the darker side of seemingly perfect 1960s suburbia.
A remake of the 2018 French original, the story sees the idyllic lives of neighbours Alice (Chastain) and Céline (Hathaway) suddenly shattered in the aftermath of a tragic accident involving Céline’s son.
As a guilt-stricken Alice tries her best to support her friend, she becomes concerned when her own son seems to become the focus of Céline’s attention, setting the stage for a twisting, Hitchcockian tale of paranoia and suspense.
Cert 15, 94 mins | |
Cineworld, Everyman, Vue | |
From Fri Mar 29 | |
More details |
Other screenings
Easter holiday round-up
It wouldn’t be the school holidays if cinemas didn’t find at least one underwhelming-sounding animation which appears to be the latest entry in a franchise you’ve never heard of – and this Easter that honour falls to Little Eggs: A Frozen Rescue (a “charmless debacle”, says the Guardian), which follows the adventures of a plucky polar bear cub – it’s showing daily at Cineworld and Vue this week.
More tried-and-tested fare is on offer at Vue in the form of Peter Rabbit, while they’re also continuing to show stop-motion tale The Inventor, a look at the later life of Leonardo da Vinci with Stephen Fry in the title role (both screening daily).
Over at City Screen, there are a few more screenings of Studio Ghibli’s latest The Boy and the Heron, showing in its dubbed English-language version on Fri 29th, Sat 30th, Tues 2nd and Thurs 4th.
And as ever, there’s a selection of budget family-friendly films to choose from, with the seasonally appropriate Wonka showing daily at Cineworld (tickets £2.50) and Vue (£2.49); Cineworld also have daily screenings of Ice Age: The Meltdown (daily, £2.49).
Everyman are taking things back even further with their Toddler Club offering, dino adventure The Land Before Time (Fri 29th, Sat 30th, £6.25 child/£8.65 adult and toddler), while pick of the week goes to City Screen’s Kids’ Club, which is showcasing Pixar’s 2020 metaphysical odyssey Soul on Sat 30th and Sun 31st (£3.30).
Meanwhile, younger viewers can enjoy the antics of Julia Donaldson favourites Pip and Posy and Friends at Vue, showing daily from Sat 30th (£3.99).
Police Squad’s finest cop and a nanny who’s tip top: old favourites back on the big screen
It’s been sixty years since Julie Andrews first glided down from the clouds to cavort across the rooftops with London’s least authentic chimney sweep – and to celebrate, the one and only Mary Poppins makes a welcome return to cinemas this week.
Make your Easter truly supercalifragilistic-eggs-pialidocious by heading down to Cineworld (screening daily), Vue (daily) and Everyman (Sun 31st, Tues 2nd). Come on, spit spot!
There are more wonderfully British flights of fancy to be had at City Screen as Alec Guinness and Stanley Holloway join forces in Ealing comedy classic The Lavender Hill Mob (daily except Sun 31st).
City Screen’s GIRRRL season (celebrating Black sisterhood on screen) draws to a close on Sun 31st with a screening of 2017’s raucous comedy Girls Trip – but as one door closes, another opens, with the same day seeing the start of The Kids Are Not Alright, a new season themed around films about youthful rebellion.
It’s kicking off with the hugely acclaimed 2002 drama City of God, a coming-of-age tale about two friends growing up in the favelas of Rio de Janeiro who become drawn into the city’s criminal underworld.
Action fans are well-served this week as Ryan Gosling sports what must now, in a post-Barbie world, be his second-most iconic look as the scorpion-jacketed tough guy in violent neon-soaked thriller Drive (Everyman, Fri 29th) – while Arnie opts for a classic vest ‘n’ pecs combo in Predator (Cineworld, Weds 3rd).
Meanwhile, Vue’s Indy odyssey comes to an end not with a bang but a whimpered ‘WTF?’ as last year’s Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny screens on Fri 29th and Sun 31st; the previous four films in the saga are also showing over the Bank Holiday weekend.
And finally, think twice before you excitedly share that story about Taylor Swift releasing a Napalm Death covers album on Monday morning – it is, of course, April Fool’s Day, and Cineworld are celebrating with screenings of two comic classics in the form of Dumb and Dumber and The Naked Gun.
I recommend seeing the latter before the mooted Liam Neeson-starring remake arrives on our screens…April Fool? Sadly not – it is in the works, with Family Guy’s Seth McFarlane producing. Can’t be any worse than 33 1/3, I suppose…