People say the darndest things. Especially in York.
Well, that would be your verdict if you join the Facebook group Overheard In York. Here are just a selection of what they’ve earwigged on our city’s streets…
Woman in front of the station, pointing at the bar walls: ‘Is that York castle?’
At the train station between a group of women…
‘How much Money should we take out?’
‘I’m not sure: £60-70?’
‘No come on we don’t need that much we’re in the NORTH!’
Tourist standing ten metres in front of the Minster holding a camera phone – ‘It’s too big!’
Middle-aged man to his wife, outside the obviously closed Jorvik: ‘Closed! But that’s what we came for? What else is there to do?’
‘I may not be an expert on drugs but I can say emphatically that cocaine does not need to be refrigerated.’
‘Money is like violence – if it’s not solving all your problems, you aren’t using enough of it.’
‘I’ve worn lipstick so outrageous that mothers have pulled their children away when they see me coming.’
Affairs of the heart
‘I genuinely don’t get what she’s got against me. Yeah, if I turned up with a mask, covered in blood and chanting ‘Hail Satan’, and yeah, if I sacrificed a goat on her doorstep, I’d get it, but I didn’t do any of that.’
Young mother, pushing pram, to her friend: ‘So, anyway, there we were, both covered in natural yoghurt…’
‘The budget didn’t account for a full gimp suit.’
‘If I were a werewolf and I had a partner, I’d probably kill them first.’
‘The only thing I’ve pulled at uni was a “push” door’
Families and children
Schoolkid to friend by the Fulford crossroads: ‘I’m going to ask you to do something, and I want you to do it, okay? I want you to jump in front of that car and let it hit you. It’ll be absolutely hilarious.’
Man to his child: ‘Stop playing with that electric drill or we’ll get arrested again’
‘No, remember last time you thought it tasted like frozen vomit.’
Small child: *Points to something* ‘Can I have this for my birthday?’
Dad: ‘Maybe, darling, but I’m not getting it now.’
The same exchange happens a few more times.
Older sibling: ‘Do you want everything for your birthday?’
Small child: ‘Yes.’
‘What’s yours called?’
‘To be fair, I want the apocalypse by the time I’m 30, or not at all.’
Overheard on Tang Hall Lane: ‘Did my butler not get it for you?’
It’s odd because, on the one hand, he’s one of my closest friends but on the other I never don’t want to punch him in the face
‘Did you ever realise that toothpaste is like deodorant for your teeth?’
Overheard two men arguing in the dairy aisle of the Foss Island Asda.
Man 1: But where can I go?
Man 2: I don’t know. How about crawling back into your mother’s uterus so you can finish growing the hell up?
Man 1 storms out of the store. Man 2 resumes browsing the cheddar selection.
In Barnitts: ‘How do we get out of here?!’
‘I’m not fat enough for Sports Direct’
When discussing going to Cath Kidston with a friend… ‘I dread having to walk around a shop with overpriced trinkets that belong in a Christmas cracker’
A little pub in town. A barmaid to York Uni Rugby Club.
‘Sorry you can’t come in you’re barred.’
‘What do you mean we are wearing ties! Look at our colours!’
‘It is nothing to do with that the manager says the entire team is barred. Please leave’
‘We are not York Rugby Club we are York Rowing Club.’
Then all together they start singing Row row row your boat now trying to pretend to be York Rowing Club.
Barmaid ‘Get out!’
Man from the group ‘Well I would be miserable if I worked her too. Come on guys’
Then leave singing ‘Row row row your boat’ which continues down the road.