Which area of York would win in a fight? One resident has the answer

15 Aug 2020 @ 6.12 pm
| News

Imagine this. Civil war has broken out in York. Suburbs are pitted against one another. But who would prove ultimately triumphant?

It’s a question that was posed by a Reddit user earlier this month. Their premise was that Acomb, The Groves, Clifton and Tang Hall were all fighting for glory.

But which area would win?

Well one York resident – Reddit user berzed – has given much thought to this question. And with their permission, we have posted their analysis and conclusions below.

Who do you think would win? Vote in our poll and we’ll declare the winner.

POLL: Which area of York would win in a fight?

How the war was won

Superdry’s mezzanine was a key strategic gain. Photograph © Google Street View

Acomb advances towards town but makes slow progress due to poor public transport links and induced congestion.

This allows Clifton and Tang Hall to form an alliance; beset from both sides Groves is the first to fall.

Cliftang has the numbers and holds the bridges keeping Acomb from crossing. Acomb hunkers down and bides it’s time.

Unrest in the alliance, caused by someone saying Adidas is better than Nike, leads to infighting and a breakdown between former allies.

Acomb takes advantage of the distraction, buys a jet ski on tick, ferries the crew across the Ouse, and takes the high ground on the mezzanine in Superdry.

Clifton and Tang Hall squander resources fighting each other furiously. Cliftonian logistical support proves superior, due in part to proximity to no less than three fast food outlets at the Moor, and in a pyrrhic victory Tang Hall eventually fall.

Significantly weakened, Clifton can’t attack quick enough and in sufficient numbers to overthrow Acomb.

Acomb sallies forth, repeatedly, night after night, stabbing a couple of Cliftonites here and a couple there. Attrition is kicking in.

Clifton is struggling. They’re down to single burgers, no cheese, KFC, no gravy. The revolting troops revolt.

They throw down their Primani sweatbands, turn on their heels, and ride their hoverboards back to Kingsway.

Acomb wins with minimal losses. New Earswick wonders why they weren’t invited.

Read the original here