Six ways to replace York’s Parliament Street fountain
First Splash Palace is demolished, and now this. News that York’s central fountain may have gushed its last means that Parliament Street, once an ever-bubbling tribute to the noble art of plumbing, will soon be as dry as a Methodist meeting in New Earswick.
That will leave us with only one water feature, the fountain outside the art gallery, where tourists gasp as jets cascade up to three feet high on a breezy day.
Without its water supply, Parliament Street’s mainspring will end up as a giant marble ash tray. And if it follows the toilet block in being razed to the ground, that will leave the street as a windswept stone prairie, where litter and bantamweight buskers will be blown across its dusty plains.
So we need a replacement feature, and fast. It should be practical, but pleasing to the eye. Something equally wet, perhaps: is Ed Miliband available? Or maybe a giant bust of York’s Own Judi Dench™ which swears like a sailor on the half hour?
We like to think positive here at YorkMix. So here are our top six ideas for replacing the fountain. If you have any better ideas, hit the comments below.
Musical box
You know, like the one from Camberwick Green? Only instead of Dr Mopp or Mrs Honeyman emerging from the rotating musical box, every 20 minutes council leader James Alexander would rise above us and read out his latest Tweet.
Car park
We’ve got to do something with all those cars exiled from Lendal Bridge. And wouldn’t it be convenient for stocking up on the all those beautiful, enduring and locally crafted gifts at the Disney Store?
Boxing ring
The perfect spot to settle York’s age old scores. First bout: a cyclist versus a motorist. Then the grudge European title fight: a Newgate market stall holder versus a continental market stall holder who has a much better pitch in Parliament Street.
Flats
Located on a brownfield site? Check. City centre living? Check. Another opportunity to build shoebox flats devoid of architectural merit in one of the most beautiful historic cities in the world? Check. Make it tall enough, and there are your 22,000 new homes, sorted.
Football stadium
Well let’s face it, it’s never going to be built at Monks Cross is it.
Phone shop
The one thing York is crying out for.
- What would you like to see happen with the fountain? Let us know in the comments below, on Facebook or on Twitter