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Supreme Queen at York Barbican

Six ways to replace York’s Parliament Street fountain

Reeling around the fountain in Parliament Street. Photograph: Wikipedia
Thursday 15 August, 2013 @ 11.55 pm Opinion Chris Titley
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mix-six-logo-rightFirst Splash Palace is demolished, and now this. News that York’s central fountain may have gushed its last means that Parliament Street, once an ever-bubbling tribute to the noble art of plumbing, will soon be as dry as a Methodist meeting in New Earswick.

That will leave us with only one water feature, the fountain outside the art gallery, where tourists gasp as jets cascade up to three feet high on a breezy day.

Without its water supply, Parliament Street’s mainspring will end up as a giant marble ash tray. And if it follows the toilet block in being razed to the ground, that will leave the street as a windswept stone prairie, where litter and bantamweight buskers will be blown across its dusty plains.

So we need a replacement feature, and fast. It should be practical, but pleasing to the eye. Something equally wet, perhaps: is Ed Miliband available? Or maybe a giant bust of York’s Own Judi Dench™ which swears like a sailor on the half hour?

We like to think positive here at YorkMix. So here are our top six ideas for replacing the fountain. If you have any better ideas, hit the comments below.

 

Musical box

camberwick-green-james-alexander-fountain

You know, like the one from Camberwick Green? Only instead of Dr Mopp or Mrs Honeyman emerging from the rotating musical box, every 20 minutes council leader James Alexander would rise above us and read out his latest Tweet.

Car park

car-park-fountain

We’ve got to do something with all those cars exiled from Lendal Bridge. And wouldn’t it be convenient for stocking up on the all those beautiful, enduring and locally crafted gifts at the Disney Store?

Boxing ring

boxing-ring-fountain

The perfect spot to settle York’s age old scores. First bout: a cyclist versus a motorist. Then the grudge European title fight: a Newgate market stall holder versus a continental market stall holder who has a much better pitch in Parliament Street.

Flats

tower-block

Located on a brownfield site? Check. City centre living? Check. Another opportunity to build shoebox flats devoid of architectural merit in one of the most beautiful historic cities in the world? Check. Make it tall enough, and there are your 22,000 new homes, sorted.

Football stadium

football-stadium-fountain

Well let’s face it, it’s never going to be built at Monks Cross is it.

Phone shop

phone-shop-fountain

The one thing York is crying out for.

 


  • What would you like to see happen with the fountain? Let us know in the comments below, on Facebook or on Twitter

 

18 Comments
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Keith Ellam
7 years ago

All heathens don’t live in the Middle East, many of them get elected onto local councils and work in planning offices!

0
Hollie-emma
7 years ago

Could always put in some gallows…
A good hanging on a Saturday afternoon of useless council members would draw a nice crowd. xXx

0
Fabrice Villoutreix
7 years ago

It is the ugliest fountain in the north hemisphere really. Like a tombstone with water pissing out of it. York deserves better…

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Chelle Oconnell
7 years ago

York City Council. 😖😱

0
Vikki Cox Hanson
7 years ago

So what pile of craps gonna get put in its place, wish folk could just leave things alone.

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Paul Martin
7 years ago

They say plumbing it is impossible now the Splash Palace away. Strikes me as strange but that’s what they say

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Sue Sunderland
7 years ago

I love the fountain…lovely place of cool on a summers day…funny how lots of other cities manage to have water features…

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Matt Calpin
7 years ago

Mmm. Strikes me as a load of bollocks, but there we go; that’s politics for you.

0
Paul Martin
7 years ago

Or even plant a tree in the middle and leave it as a seated meeting place as in Coppergate

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Matt Calpin
7 years ago

The decision to demolish it stinks of career advancement for someone. Leave it where it is and repair it, or piss off swathes of constituents who are sick of expensive vanity projects.

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Matt Calpin
7 years ago

Why does it need replacing? Would it not be considerably cheaper and far more popular to just get it working again?

0
Helen Cadbury
8 years ago

Soap box, Hyde Park corner style, for all the nutters who write into the Press letters page, with a special chair for Mrs Whatsername of Wiggington.

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Andy D'Agorne
8 years ago

How about something suitable to be decorated with ‘Christmas tree lights’ each autumn? Maybe a sculpture made from one of the mature trees being felled recently after shedding their branches in the heat?

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Candy
8 years ago

You missed out the most obvious one: a ladies’ loo!!

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John
8 years ago

How about a montage of traffic cones, temporary traffic lights, fluorescent vests and safety helmets? They wouldn’t have to look far for things to create it with at the moment!

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Jim Loxten
8 years ago

LMAO – Camberwick Green wouldn’t want Calamity James Alexander as their Council Leader – he’d make it all pedestrianised which would put Mr Crockett, the Garage Man out of business !

0
Mark A
8 years ago

A cage for cage fighting? Seem to remember an “event” at Energise so presumably Council think good use for one of their properties?

0

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